5 Levels of Thanks: How to ask for help, pt. 3
Amelia's Newsletter #7
A while ago my friend Ada emailed me with an ask for advice:
I was happy to help and responded with my votes.
A few days later, I received this followup and was blown away.
Tell them how they made a difference
Reading Ada’s response felt amazing, like an incredible dopamine rush. I felt so delighted, fulfilled, and surprised, and I wanted to help her more.
This is because when we give help, the thing we want most is to feel like it mattered.
We want to feel like our words made a dent in the universe somehow, that our action affected the course of events, however small.
So when Ada told me, “Thanks for the advice, here’s what happened thanks to your input,” she gave me that gift and it felt great. And I wanted to feel that way again. So I am definitely going to help her again.
How can you do the same? The good news is you don’t have to give Ada-level thank you’s to start getting results. Here’s an easy sequence for leveling up at your own pace:
The 5 Levels of Thanks
Level 1: Thank you for the advice.
Level 2: Thank you for the advice. Thanks to your input, I did X.
Level 3: Thank you for the advice. Thanks to your input, I did X, resulting in Y.
Level 4: Thank you for the advice. Thanks to your input, I did X, resulting in Y. My next step is Z.
Level 5: Thank you for the advice. Thanks to your input, I did X, resulting in Y. My next step is Z. I learned interesting thing A.
How it works
Each level is just adding another bit to the epilogue of what happened. The more of that impact you share, the better.
As an example, here’s how Ada’s response hits Level 5:
Level 1: “Thank you for the advice, it was really helpful.” (Thank you)
Level 2: “I tabulated the votes.” (I did X)
Level 3: “Here’s the results that came out of it.” (Resulting in Y)
Level 4: “I’m going to sleep on this, and then send the final list.” (My next step is Z)
Level 5: “And here’s my takeaways in case you are interested.” (I learned interesting thing A)
Her followup blew me away because not only did I feel like my help made a difference, I even learned something and got something out of it myself!
Parting thoughts
Follow up with people and tell them how their help mattered. It’s the best way to say thank you, and you’ll get more help when you do it.
Notes
[1] The difference between “I did X” and “Resulting in Y” is that the first is an action you took, while the second is a result achieved. For example, “Thanks to your input, I made changes to my pitch deck, which has increased my meetings booked,” is better than just “Thanks to your input, I made changes to my pitch deck.”
Thanks to Ada Chen Rekhi and Keir Mierle for reading early drafts of this post.